Protect Your Peace by Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out making the dinner table a place you have to prove your worth. It’s about creating space for yourself to be and to breathe.

While you can’t control what others say, you can control how much access you grant them to your energy.

Why Boundaries Matter

For those of us who are gay, family dynamics can come with unspoken rules about what’s “acceptable” to discuss.

Set the tone ahead of time: “I’d love to focus on family traditions this year. Let’s skip politics.”

Have an exit strategy: “Where’s your bathroom again?”

Understanding vs Endorsing

It’s easy to feel blindsided by someone else’s views, especially when they strike at the core of who you are. Sometimes inflammatory opinions are nothing more than fear or a need for belonging in disguise.

Understanding the “why” behind the opinion can help you gauge whether you should engage or pull out.

How to Gauge the Conversation

Some people are open to dialogue, while others are determined to cling to their stance. Knowing the difference can save you from wasting energy on an uphill battle.

Ask with curiosity: “What led you to feeling that way?”

Accept your limits: It’s not your responsibility to educate someone who isn’t ready to listen.

Navigating the Double-Edged Sword of Family Dynamics

Family is complicated. On the one hand, they’re the people who know you best. On the other, they’re often the ones most capable of pushing your buttons.

Dynamics can feel especially fraught when things like gay rights become a flashpoint for debate.

When Things Get Complicated

You can still care about someone without having to tolerate their behavior. Redirecting the conversation or leaning on supportive members can help ease the strain.

Shift the focus: “Remember the year Aunt Susie stuffed the turkey and left it in the garage overnight? Ewww!!” (Has that ever happened to you, btw??)

Find your anchor: Whether it’s a sibling, cousin, or friend, find the person who gets you and stay close.

Knowing When to Speak Up

Sometimes silence comes across as being complicit, but speaking up can feel like pouring gasoline on the fire. Deciding which direction to go takes a little balancing between the values you hold dear and your own well-being.

When to Engage

Be clear: “That comment makes me uncomfortable because…”

Know your threshold: If things spiral, walk away. That’s self-respect, not defeat.

Maintaining Grace in Tension or Conflict

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be about forcing harmony or ignoring differences.

Belonging isn’t about making yourself small to fit into someone else’s space. It’s about showing up authentically, even if that means creating distance where it’s needed.

Whether you stay at the table, walk away, or create a table of your own, let your choices reflect who you are rather than who others want you to be.

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Disclaimer: The information and perspectives shared in my posts, articles, and videos are based on my personal experiences and reflections. I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, or medical professional, and this content should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you are experiencing distress, depression, or mental health challenges, please reach out to a qualified professional who can provide the help you need. For immediate support, contact a mental health provider or, if you are in crisis, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (available in the U.S.) or your local emergency number.