Imagine a better future for yourself

“We will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.”

Dr. King had a dream, a vision, and he held to it throughout his entire life. It guided every decision and kept him from giving up.

It’s so easy to think negatively and pessimistically about the future. News and social media are constantly feeding us with reasons not to hope.

The writer of Proverbs said, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…”

I’m sure there are many interpretations, but for me I take it to mean if you can’t see or hope for a future better than the one today, you will dwindle away in despair.

Steering yourself away from a morbid fascination with a depressing future is hard, but it’s also a must.

It always seems that when I’m at the bottom of a deep, dark well of despair I’m able to pull out of it by imagining myself in a better place.

For me, that better place is one where I’m not dealing with shame all the time. Where I’m making meaningful contributions to the world and establishing positive connections with others.

If you’re struggling with the idea of imagining something better for yourself, list a few of the things that are bringing you down and then write down what the opposite of those would be.

That list of “opposites” is where you start sculpting a more positive future in your imagination.

From there it’s a matter of cultivating and tending it like a baby garden of positive thoughts.

Put yourself in forward motion

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

It’s easy to stop at the dreaming stage. Dreaming can be very uplifting and sometimes even euphoric.

But the euphoria can trick you into thinking your work’s done. It’s only just beginning.

No matter how you feel, nothing will change if you stand still doing nothing. The hope, anticipation and excitement will eventually turn inward into cynicism and bitterness.

So many gay men succumb to bitterness. They will sit back and make snarks at guys they think have it better than them.

But as long as you have breath, you have agency to change your situation — even if it means starting with your thoughts and beliefs.

• Read an inspirational biography or listen to a motivational podcast.
• Keep a gratitude journal. (Something I learned just today is that the more you practice gratitude, the easier it becomes to notice things you’re thankful for.)
• Put yourself on an exercise or eating plan instead of hating yourself for how you look.
• Volunteer your time for a cause that’s important to you.
• Start a book discussion group.

There will always be degrees of difficulty to doing anything, but the point is to get yourself moving rather than judging yourself on the success of the execution.

Honor the struggle and keep going

“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle.”

Whether within or without, you’re going to face resistance.

The moment you put your stake in the ground is also the moment you invite status quo to come at you full force.

Sometimes it screams, “How dare you try to make your situation better?”

If it’s not the world coming at you from the outside, it’s all the self-defeating words of doubt, futility and sabotage inside you that will try to take you down.

It’s going to happen. And when it does, that’s your signal to keep going.

When you’re knocked down or find yourself feeling discouraged, its okay to take a breather and gather yourself.

But get back up and keep going.

Why? Because eventually things turn around.

Storms come through but they don’t last. Rain stops and the sun comes out.

It sounds simplistic, but it really isn’t. Tides turn and seasons change.

Just keep going.

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Disclaimer: The information and perspectives shared in my posts, articles, and videos are based on my personal experiences and reflections. I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, or medical professional, and this content should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you are experiencing distress, depression, or mental health challenges, please reach out to a qualified professional who can provide the help you need. For immediate support, contact a mental health provider or, if you are in crisis, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (available in the U.S.) or your local emergency number.